It was the beginning of August and we were holidaying on the island of Rügen. Again.
Our third year in a row. Our second time staying at Apartmenthouse Anne, located ten minutes away from the beach and run by a straightforward but formidable woman whose disdain for small talk both impressed and alarmed us.
“We’ve become middle-aged,” I told LSB over dinner one night. An annual retreat to the Baltic Sea is the hallmark of habits belonging to German couples in their 50s.
“Maybe we should get married,” I suggested.
“Okay,” said LSB.
He was humouring me. In our decade together, we’d had multiple conversations about the institution, most of them featuring grand statements of our indifference. Our relationship defined itself, I would conclude. We didn’t need a ring, or a party, or somebody else’s blessing.
LSB agreed.
But over the past few months, something gravely unnerving had occurred: the idea of marriage was becoming less off-putting.
I couldn’t explain the phenomenon, so whenever anyone asked (which they would, quite often) I would respond in my usual way that marriage was an outdated tradition, which we were in no hurry to embrace.
As my arguments grew in force, so did the suspicion that I was protesting too much.
Restlessness had something to do with it, I suppose. My career was ticking along solidly but unremarkably, Berlin had become home and LSB and I were embracing the stage of life where spending a Friday night streaming Sabrina the Teenage Witch at home was envy rather than pity-inducing. Amid all this stability, the milestones I’d been conditioned to anticipate from life were becoming more opaque.
Because swans.
Pragmatism played a role too. The bank manager who told me in passing that it’d be easy to buy property with a husband but tricky with a partner had no idea what he was setting in motion.
Add to that the slowly-dawning realisation that if anything were to happen to either of us, the other would be a nobody in the eyes of the law.
By the time dessert came, LSB had raised no objections to my revised attitude.
The topic didn’t come up again until a day or two later, when we were walking along a wilder, stonier part of the beach on the far side of the island.
It was a grey day – the sky a patchwork of ominous clouds ready to erupt.
A family of swans drifted along the shore. Their feathers unruffled by the breeze, they appeared indifferent to the approaching inclemency.
Some couples have a song. Others have a meaningful place, where memories were born.
We have an animal. And it happens to be a swan.
I think LSB invented it but I can’t be sure.
If he did, it was to ward off questions like this:
human swans
“How do you know you REALLY want to be with me?” I would ask out-of- the-blue, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes out of insecurity and sometimes fishing for compliments.
I’d remind him that we were young when we met and that he hadn’t really had much opportunity to compare my charms to that of others. “How do I know you’re not just settling out of resignation, or a shortage of initiative?” I would ask, infuriatingly.
LSB would sigh, frustrated and answer: “Because swans.”
Swans: notoriously and unquestioningly monogamous. Unapologetic as they glide along, proudly navigating the world in pairs.
It always shut me up.
“Here,” said LSB, as the sky grew a shade darker and a clap of thunder sounded in the distance.
We moved towards a large rock and as their graceful silhouettes passed us by, we asked each other.
We said yes.
Then the sky opened up and it began to rain torrentially. We found cover at a bus stop and stood huddled together for half an hour.
That evening, to celebrate, we ate a meal at a superior restaurant, where they served us a plate of exquisite vegetables, the most succulent I have ever tasted, prepared sous vide.
The next day, back on the beach, I Googled the cooking technique and discovered that you can get special kitchen appliances for the purpose. We discussed extensively the possibility of purchasing one. In the end, we concluded it probably wasn’t worth it.
After all, one doesn’t have to say yes to everything.
Kate Ferguson 
Wishing you both a long and happy marriage almost sounds silly because I think you already have that!! Swans. I like it. Togetherness is worth celebrating. Thanks for sharing your news with us. Congratulations to you both! xx
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Thank you so much! That’s really kind of you 🙂 Your comment on a previous post where I talked about Frau P’s desire to have us married stayed with me. (You gave me a nice tip for a fuss-free wedding!) I’m hoping she’ll be able to make it to the registry office to be my witness/honorary bridesmaid 🙂 Lovely, as always to hear from you! xx
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I loved this!!! Totally 🙂
Does this mean you’re planning a wedding soon? :O
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Something to add on: I didnt know that bit about swans. Something new I know today.
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Aw, thank you Clarice! 🙂 It does, indeed! x
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Congrats!! 🙂 Happy to hear your awesome news, Kate! When’s that happening?
PS: “An annual retreat to the Baltic Sea is the hallmark of habits belonging to German couples in their 50s” – I’ve always enjoyed regularity and meetups at the same spot especially if it takes place once a year so I would dispute this statement :p
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Congratulations Kate!!! And Andrew!!! Lots of love, Anne
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Thank you so much, Anne! xx
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Congratulations, for both of you! A confirmed (and contented) bachelor myself, I still envy those who find true love and devotion. Rare commodities these days! Wishing you much happiness.
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Thank you so much, Robert! I think being contented is the most precious commodity of all! And as for true love and devotion, don’t write them off just yet. Who knows what the future will bring? Your contenment may just be contagious 🙂
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Hi Kate,
I recently started reading your blogs again and love them as much as ever. Congratulations! I laughed at your question about a shortage of initiative and swooned over the swans. I recently got married and am very much enjoying it. Hope you do too!
Rachel (James’ sister, from Wesley)
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Rachel, it’s so lovely to hear from you! Congratulations on your marriage 🙂 I’m delighted for you. Where in the world are you now? Thanks so much for your kind words! Take care and all the best to you and your.. husband! xxx
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A wonderfully funny and honest narrative describing the path towards marriage.
Absolutely loved it!
Wishing both of you continued happiness.
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Aw thank you so much from a fellow Bewunderer xxx
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so very happy for you! congratulations.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Congratulations Kate! Human swans, love it!
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Thanks a million, Aileen 🙂 Hope you’re having a great time in London! xx
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Congratulations! I love the swans analogy 🙂
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Thank you so much! Swans are wonderful (at a safe distance and provided you’re nowhere near their nests!) xx
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Such a charming story, and congratulations! I love the way you made that decision. Best wishes always.
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Thank you so very much Jeanne! Really kind of you. I think we made the right decision 🙂 x
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Yay!!!! So happy for you. I’m 17 yrs into my 2nd marriage and really happy. I was fiercely independent for years (didn’t marry the first time until I was 35) but this time is a good one. I find tremendous comfort and strength from my marriage and wish you all the best. Will def. toast you both when I get to Berlin.
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Thank you so much for the good wishes, Caitlin! Lovely that you can look back at such a loving and supportive marriage. Here’s to many more years 🙂 xx
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So excited for you. 🙂
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