A Royal Flush


I imagine that just about now, a rogue-ish Prince Harry is pulling back his hand-carved mahogany chair, after a few too many gulps of Montrachet 1978, to deliver his Best Man’s speech. I can almost hear the tap-tap-tap of his silver spoon on the rim of his wine glass and oh, despite the royal fuss of it all, what I’d do to be a fly on the crystal chandelier; or indeed one of the couple’s three HUNDRED “close” (but probably only facebook) friends.. There’s nothing for it but to deflect my curioisity by pondering the following five nuptial nuggets:

1.Kiss me, Kate?
When William and Kate kissed for the second time during the balcony scene, one of the BBC royal correspondents commented that “She was game, he less so”. Having watched this scene repeatedly and considered the comment, I am convinced of its inaccuracy . As delightful as Kate’s putative enterprise is- when watched carefully- it is clearly William who initiates Peck Two, unless I am missing some subtle display of microexpressions?

2. Wed-lock?
It’s well known that changes in temperature cause the limbs to expand and retract and it’s only natural that beneath her poise and exquisite cherry-lipped smile, the Princess was experiencing immense physiological imbalance. It was an agonizing few seconds, but William did finally succeed in encircling Kate’s blood-starved ring finger with a golden hoop- but what if he hadn’t managed? Could he have asked little bro for a hand?

3. How many times had they practised their vows?
They fail – they endearingly fail – to keep straight faces as they repeat before the eyes of God what they have been stumbling over ad nauseum for weeks.

4. Is William’s receding hairline indicitative of his humility?
It certainly is. As Prince, he could have opted for all sorts of cover-up treatments, and the fact is, he didn’t.

5. Does Princess Catherine’s academic future lie in the history of meterology?
Unlike most disciplines, meterology shows a distinct bias for future events over retrospective analysis. It was widely reported that Kate’s first official statement was that she was “glad the weather held up”. I believe this sagacious remark to be representative of an impressive and rapid immersion into the royal fixation with the past. At the same time, it adds a little authority and glamour to the utterance: “Lovely weather we’ve been having!”

And now to return to Harry’s speech, which he should be wrapping up about now: God save them all.

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5 thoughts on “A Royal Flush

  1. Did Kate actually refer to the weather’s ‘holding up’, which would be correct usage? I am not quite sure about the preposition she employed, but I think I might have heard her saying that the weather ‘held off’, when she meant that ‘the rain’ held off.

    This is merely a curiosity of usage. I once heard the Queen refer to a ‘mock up’ of a spacecraft, and wondered what she should have said.

  2. Soupa as always Katzi, and FINALLY, a report that tackles the actual issues of the day 🙂

    There’s no way that Kate (who has now unwillingly been dubbed Catherine to befit the occasion) initiated kiss two and that William wasn’t as ‘game’ – you can clearly see William at 2.18 say ‘one more kiss’. Microexpression or not, the BBC lip reading ‘expert’ must have been on lunch to miss that one, or simply exhausted after his arduous task to confirm that William told Kate she looked beautiful when they first came together in the Abbey (Incidentally, the sweetest moment of what I’ve seen of the day as it seemed to be the only three seconds where they felt as free from scrutiny as they could be with 2 billion watching…)

    • I just watched it again, and how perceptive you are, Elle! I missed that completely, having focussed only on their body language! Your comment made me smile a giant smile. I think your talents are being wasted in your current position; ever considered a career move to royal lip-reading correspondent? There’s a certain someone who’s not quite up to scratch.. 🙂

      • I cant help but comment here. Elle is absolutely right!! 🙂 Ha, all those guesses about the body language and trying to read into who initiated the kiss. Goodness! We have just made a great discovery in here;)
        And Kate, yes – just a question, how did you come up with the title of your post? It’s befittingly apt in a certain aspect but I would say, it’s one of the most attention grabbing title ever!:D

      • I know, the things we occupy ourselves with!! The title of the post was just something that was floating in my head, as “royal flush” is an expression, I think! Must google it now..

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